What about the guy you meet at a bar, or in the neighborhood park? He looks OK. He seems OK. He tells you it was all a big mistake. His girlfriend's daughter, the little girl in the neighborhood; he was just trying to be friendly...and they exaggerated what happened. "You know how it goes", he says, "Everyone gets all excited when something like that happens and makes a big fuss!" He says he has gone through counseling, and maybe he lives in a halfway house. He talks about how he has learned to change his way of thinking and what arouses him. It seems so reasonable, and he looks like he couldn't hurt a flea. Well, shouldn't he deserve a second chance? He paid for his crime and he didn't really do anything, it was just a "misunderstanding". You want to understand.
What do you think? What do you do? You are lonely and a nice guy would be great. But what are the chances that he is a good "bet". There is a lot of disagreement about whether or not sexual offenders can be cured. There are some different forms of treatment available, and most of them focus on helping the perpetrator get in touch with how the crime of assault felt to the victim; helping them to understand what they are doing to the people against whom they offend. Sadly, it all depends on whether or not the abuser can learn to become empathetic and then stay aware of the consequences of their actions.
Sometimes it works. Unfortunately, if it were that easy, they would not have offended to begin with. There are some other ways the sexual urge can be curbed, with medication, but it takes away all other sexual feeling and it is a really drastic step to choose to live a life without any sexual feelings. In addition the perpetrator has to be monitored by a doctor and continue to take the medicine. There is always castration but many medical facilities hesitate to take part in something so drastic and irreversible. And so do many of the male perpetrators; and women offenders only have the option of taking medication.
Should you take the chance? What if you have children? Would you forgive yourself putting your family in a situation and that may go wrong; really wrong? What if you trust someone and they were not honest with you or they weren't being honest with themselves? Can we fix them? Can we be sure?
Carolyn has been providing therapy for clients for 30+ years and although she has worked with all kinds of clients in all kinds of environments, her passion continues to be providing services for clients who have dealt with sexual abuse issues and trauma. She currently provides all types of therapeutic support for victims of sexual abuse assault rape and incest. Serving Ft. Lauderdale, Palm Beach, and Miami area
Carolyn Wilson, M.S.W., L.C.S.W.
Personal Solutions 954-793-3201
Helping you To Find Your Personal Solutions
